Tag Archives: relationships

To Do

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–        Do I love him, grandma? Do I?

A day does not go by without me thinking of him. How perfect we can all get to be seen through loving eyes.

While I daydream, my nonexistent children have his eyebrows, his ears and his hair.

A sweet little word from him is treasured to last for all the days when ordinary words not spoken by poets in love are the only ones that reach my eyes, my ears.

What we’ve had and what we could have, I miss. I selfishly care deeply about his life, may he live long and healthy so I won’t have to miss him even more. I want him to be happy, hoping I can contribute a little with that; and curiously, I’ve discovered that some of that happiness bounces back to me.

I can’t stand him and I want him to change at times. I want him back at those precious minutes that I’ve witnessed. I want him to want time with me, as I do -as I want food-. I want to understand, to bear, not to doubt, to cope… not to want more.

And yet I fail, wanting more.

The feeling of giving up returns along with tears.

Once and again…

–        The thing is, my dear…

Does he love you back?

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Girly?

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Someone I didn’t know, with whom I had been talking to for around twenty minutes, asked me to write articles for a website, in exchange for a certain amount of money (or apples? …no specific currency was ever mentioned). I didn’t accept, for multiple reasons: The whole thing was suspicious, I’m not a professional writer, it had to be written in italian, and most importantly, the subject was -literally as the person said it- Girly (fashion, relationships, makeup, and other given definitions I don’t remember). Laughter.

I don’t even know where to start…

Perhaps I could start saying that reading the violent book passages in American Psycho was equally dreadful for me as reading the passages where the author engages on extremely detailed descriptions of clothing and designers. The first, disturbing; the second, boring. (This is not my analysis of the book, just a comparison that simply came to my mind at this moment).

Or maybe I can comment that high heels are big enemies of mine; in them, I look like Bambi learning to walk. And I can’t help to wonder why and why would women (and possibly certain men too) want to pursue a nearly tip-toe standing position that unbalances the evolutionary achieved equilibrium of the skeleton? Not to mention the fact that, while walking, you -or I- have to skillfully maintain that position and avoid ending up with your -or my- knees touching the ground while at it.

Also in the same subject, in case someone might think “oh, she must be tall, if she wasn’t, she’d love high heels”, I’ll say that I’m as tall as 1.62 m.

The fact that I will only mention the word relationships talks by itself.

Now let’s address makeup. I’ve worn makeup like three times in my life, two of those times because I was forced talked into it by my sister. What if it is a little shadowy under your eyes, or why if the sun has been a little unkind with your skin, or what if your eyelashes are not 5 cm long, or what if you have a little scar somewhere? I know some people, women exactly, that look like a completely different person when seen without makeup. Why would you want to cover yourself so much that you end up not looking like yourself? …I don’t know if nail polish is included inside the makeup category, but I don’t do that either, I like my natural pink and white looking nails.

Nevertheless, I feel compelled to clarify that I don’t look like Chewbacca. I’m pro-white teeth and pro-peelings, I have a minor obsession with plucking my eyebrows, I do like pretty cloth (dresses included) and shoes, I brush my hair sometimes… I like looking nice; but not at expenses of what a given society thinks is beautiful. Anytime, I will choose natural freckles over a fake flawless skin look, and comfortable shoes over death traps.

Beauty is subjective, and along with fashion, they both change with time, location, and the observer. And even if resistance to certain beauty practices is growing with the new generations, I will give some examples… Look at the long neck women of the Kayan tribes in Burma and Thailand, the XVIII century’s white wigs fashion in European influenced countries, the teeth blackening of traditional Vietnamese tribes, the foot binding custom in China, the plastic surgery boom worldwide (artificially smaller or bigger anti-gravity, anti-genes and/or anti-age body parts), the Japanese Geishas, etc.

Modesty apart, I may not be Girly, but I’m a beautiful woman nonetheless.

Oh, and no offense was intended… I bet Chewie is handsome for someone out there, and for himself.