Tag Archives: hopes

Life is not as you read it in books

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As pieces of art stir dormant ideas of mine, colorful bed cloth keep me warm in a lazy saturday morning, and feelings are pushed to numbness very meaningly so… I break the streak that has keeping me away from the necessary occasional purging –a new post– for a while now.

I do not like that word, purge, it has a rudeness about it, but right now I can’t think of any other word that suits best with I wanted to say.

Life is not as you read it in books, or as you see it in the movies. Wake up from delusion. There is a moment in life when most of us are faced with this universally accepted fact.

On one side… Most people’s lives are not major book sellers.

And to be honest, I have found it absurd how inspiring, helpful and/or reassuring fiction characters can be for me, feeling in my element with them more than with my own flesh and bones life companions; and also, I have found myself blaming the words that have encouraged the validity of my own idea of love.

On the other side… Lives –real or invented– just happen. Books aim a detailed explanation of them. And there are many types of books.

My own monotonous life, simple to the common eye, has enough material to create a book; my single unimportant life has a storage of thoughts, events, feelings, hopes and eye witnessed recollections to fill an encyclopedia sized novel.

You are allowed to say that my life is too boring to make a good book, that my inclination to loneliness, early night days, and home nesting happiness is unnatural; that the stories you read in adventure books, the passionate romances in others; the shocking happenings, the great ambitions… are all missing.

But there is so much that happens in life that no one ever gets to see… a thought that was stored in subconscious to oblivion by the same person who thought about it; a 300 meter walk home that held a life changing event; a 40 year spam life that went on without thrilling events, public glory or defeat; a person who lived taking care of cows until death came. Get into written intrusive and elegant detail about them, and that life is to be read on a book.

Try to describe someone watching a sunset and the sunset itself, assume that’s all this person used to do in life. Describe how it looks, describe how it looks to him; describe those minutes, describe him and what he feels; describe what you feel towards him. You have got a book right there, and a very good one in the right writer’s hands.

I conclude life is every bit as special, dramatic, exiting, impetuous, peculiar, and any other qualificative you know a book can be. A book just gives us the time and space to realize it, to elaborate it. A lack of big events in the physical world is possible, but a lack of events in the heart or the mind is impossible, whether you are aware of it or not.

Life is not as you read it in books. False.

…After all, I have seen long ago married 70 year olds that still hold their hands walking by.

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The eleven, twelve and two thousand

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The new year was welcomed with bright lights and loud sounds in the dark. It was windy and chilly outside, as chilly as it can be in a tropical country’s summer night. I couldn’t help to remember the past occasions when a view very similar to that one took place along with a dog scratching his fear away on my legs. Miss him. I’ve never been a fan of fireworks, and dog claws are not the only cause of that… they are just so loud (it annoys me a bit… or more than a bit), and many people end up in hospitals because of them. If seen from far away, they are an ears safe beautiful visual experience.

The old 2011 was a year like any other for me, full of free time, books and intensive work sprints. The year that has left us now was a great teacher of the lessons I keep learning on and on through my life: rely on my own, keep on hoping for the best, walk on. The year has also fed a strong suspicion of mine: my life is not meant to be normal.

Changes life brings from time to time are exciting and a bit scary too, and every new year turns our heads in that direction of thoughts. I’ll slide to the comfort of memories. Memories where I’m throwing grapes to my grandfather’s mouth for him to eat (no, I was not 5 years old, that was yesterday); where everyone at home can be doing their own thing but somehow together; where chairs break under people’s weight and nothing bad happens, just jokes and giggles; where I can wake up at 8 am with no rush to getting ready and go out to education or work duties; where trips in old but new trains happen; where kids learn to ride bicycles; where money is a luxury and not a necessity; where sisters find a new deserved happiness; where people graduate and swear not to place a foot in a university ever again (the library doesn’t count); where green lives; where attempts of cooking happen successfully and unsuccessfully; where some small or big amount of rain falls down each day for months and months; where laughter attacks burst so strongly that people have to run to the toilet; where life happens and everyone I care most about survives it.

In 2011 I found the love of my life. And I lost him numbers of times. I guess it’s good to see that some things will not change immediately with the beginning of this year…

The brand new 2012 received me at an early hour followed by an internet connection use, a sports bra, a cereal and milk breakfast, some salt and some water, and obliged meditation. I have no resolutions, but hopes –slash necessities– as it follows. A good job, a reconciliation between my childish heart and my centenary mind, answers for some of my many questions, strength, lots of laughter, and strawberries all year long.

Happy new year wishes for everyone.

Oel ngati kameie

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Sometimes I think I can see right trough people and find my own reflection in them. I can have a glimpse at their dreams, flaws, hopes, qualities and fears… It’s not about following a first impression, I know better than that. “I see you and you are so close of seeing me! I mean, really see each other.”… I find a revelation whenever someone amazes me so much, a revelation telling me that the encounter was supposed to happen and that it is written in the sky that we should never part from each others life. I see the only possibility of that person and I being friends for the rest of our lives, because that’s what we’ve been since before, all eternity.

The big problem is, I’m awfully wrong most of the times… In the epiphany I experience when finding that person and getting to know each other, I tend to assume that every hint or suspicion of mine (good or bad) is totally right; being a little prejudiced (it hurts me to admit this, since I hate prejudice) and making  presumptions, I tend to make affirmations instead of asking questions. It’s never my intention to be closed minded, I’m always happy to be proven wrong and learn with that; but I’m learning that people are not so good when they hear “I think you like the color green”, instead of “do you like the color green?”. There’s also a fear of people telling me lies… so my heart believes everything I hear, while my mind is skeptic about everything I hear; so this dual thing makes my thinking and intuition confused.

As I said, I’m learning… I’ll try to keep my revelations under control, my hopes a little lower than the exosphere, and my trust at its best even if it ends up being a bad choice. No matter if that experience lived thanks to a random person is short, maybe it was supposed to be just that, a moment. I believe sometimes we are, for a period of time (short as seconds or long as years) an angel for someone else.