Tag Archives: fear

Sunlight

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And sunlight won’t shine back… Thick dark gray clouds are holding her back.
Slim times -like a well peeled apple skin- allow me to see her, calming my thirst. But the pollution joins the persistent clouds.
And the selfish fear grows in me… the big new fear of one day not seeing her again, for as long my time is time in this life. What life? Without sunlight, I’ll kiss it goodbye.
Not strong enough to shine trough it all. Sunlight, I’m all confused, lost in the dark.

One day after reminiscence

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On september the fifth of year 2012.

ONE

Yesterday was a day when, while I was riding on a bus -completely unaware of what was happening outside my closed eyes and my music entertained ears-, an earthquake took place in costarican and adjacent territories.

Seismic country. Familiar subduction: “Cocos y Caribe”. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cocos_Plate, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Caribbean_Plate).

But it was not just an earthquake, but THE earthquake. It had been announced for years, it was long ago predicted and expected in nicoyan lands and its surroundings. It was nerve cracking long-lasting, and dizzyingly strong. Or so I’ve been told.

Some minutes after the event, stunned faces and loud voices wondered how it was possible that I didn’t feel the worst earth movement that was felt in the country for decades.

How did I miss the running, screaming and crying women -and men also-? The cars stopping in the middle of the streets? The vertical structures dancing? I didn’t feel it, I didn’t see it; and I am glad for that.

I am deeply sorry for the two lives that were lost due the earthquake in Costa Rica, and for the minor structural damages that occurred. But we can say it could have been worst, this kind of natural events can be very devastating. Taking into account that factors as the depth of the epicenter, the acceleration of the movement, etc., influence the outcome or side effects of an earthquake,  similar events worldwide -in terms of MMS (moment magnitude scale, 7.6 for the event I’m currently talking about)- have caused thousands of deaths (how very sad) and severe material damages.

Pride for the country’s civil engineering.

TWO

A story started to run around, as legends have done in the past. It is said that a woman was prepared to receive her child via c-section. The woman was on the surgical bed, already tied into place, waiting for anesthesia… And then, the earthquake happened.

The spoken word tells that she was in such state of pain, that she didn’t get scared… Not even when doctors and nurses started to run outside the room, some of them shouting and crying; only two remained with her; one, as a human shield, protecting the preciousness inside the woman’s uterus, the other probably petrified by fear. Nothing big fell down or apart, cracks didn’t appear on the walls; eventually everyone came back with their hands steadier than when they left.

Culminating the tale of the brave woman and her child, the little angel took her first breath 30 minutes after the event. Close to nine months filled with worry and difficult situations dissolved almost entirely, everything turned out just fine.

Welcome, my little baby, my niece.

THREE

It was also a day when, later on, I may or may not have been asked for a kiss. After I got out of the car, I heard it inside my head, like an echo: “Hasta luego. Dame un beso”. Did he say that back then? Didn’t he? If he did say it, what did he mean? I do not know… Fact one: A kiss was given from my lips to his cheek. Fact two: Before that, I had to dodge the invisible straight line guiding my mouth to his, or his to my own.

FOUR

A mattress and sheets. A message that got to me as only modern times can deliver it. Words were an unespected happening that did its best at stirring ache and anger inside me.

FIVE

Gold brewed and strongly hoped-for news showed themselves to me; again, modern times to award. Two interviews and some days after, a new job is waiting for me. I’ll shortly quit my current job, I feel eager and guilty; but mostly thrilled.

Waterfall

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It was a day very much like this days that take place between the worldwide celebrated Christmas and New Year. I’m not sure if the current days or the current feelings have let this words be.

My feet stumble on the steep hill, carried on by something like a promise of breeze in warm humid days. Such joy there is with the known laughs and voices around me, with the wild raspberries just waiting for brave agile hands that can manage the thorns and hold them hostage into mouths, with the bug bites scratching while looking at a horizon of velvety mountains and a clear blue sky.

My hands are firmly caressing the grass on the side of the hill. It’s a wonderful view, an unforgettable memory in the making, a thrill for the waterfall that I will soon get to see. But beyond all that, it’s so high. So high and the possible fall seems so endless… I have built a little bit of fear inside me, as if I were into a transparent elevator. Hold on to the plants’ roots people, and try not to look down.

There it is, before my one decade old eyes… Marvel gets mixed up with annoying sounds from other people, warning of not falling into the cold river course. Nature being herself, with herself. A virgin looking place with the power of turning every person into a conqueror of a new land in a new world. A place where piano songs are born and lovers’ sweet words are kept safe for eternity.

It’s time to go back and the water won’t stop falling until the day I will return, even if it is what it seems as we go further and further away and the water’s songs can’t reach my ears anymore. The same path must be followed on the contrary direction. The hill shrank to a shorter height and the fall seems now to be impossible. Why is this? Does every experience have something to teach? Does every path become a part of us once we cross it for a first time? Does facing fear once make it get smaller each time? Do the good things always overshadow fear?

…Beautifully and not fearless, as the walk on the hill. Eventually and slowly, as the turning of a sunflower. Strong and delicate, as the waterfall.